Thursday, November 8, 2018

Suboxone Implant - Or Leave

I really miss writing.  Three kind people left comments here after my last post so I thought I'd follow up.  I didn't even know I had comments until today.  I may actually start blogging again...


My love life - I realized that I DO love Peter and I DO want to be with him for the rest of my life.  All the things about him that bother me are petty.  I was following my usual M.O. for men in my life and pulling/pushing away from him out of fear of commitment and a feeling that I am not lovable.  I listened to my family's complaints about him and let them (my sis and son) warp my view of a wonderful man.

My sis and son don't even know we are back together yet.  They will find out when he comes to visit in January, that's the soonest he can come visit.  They don't like sharing me.  I do so much for both of them because I am the Queen of shameful as that is to admit, its true.

Keven is waiting for the Suboxone implant.  I paid for him to go through detox and he made it a few weeks without using, but is using again while waiting to get the implant.  Damn it!  I can't even tell you how much it pisses me off and the things he does (stealing credit cards) that are totally unacceptable.  If he doesn't get the implant soon (within two weeks) I have to seriously consider kicking him out.

Trew.  Trew is the young man we were visiting in the hospital.  He had endocarditis for the second time and was lucky to be alive.  He was in the hospital for 8 weeks!  His mom lives up north and the rest of his family won't allow him to live with them so he was going to go from the hospital back onto the streets.  The nurses rallied around him for the 8 weeks he was there and made him their special patient, doing all kinds of things nurses don't usually do.  They bought him a bunch of clothes, a big duffel bag, hygiene stuff...everything he needed.  His doctor even gave him a $50 gift card.  They even went as far as getting him the Vivitrol shot before he was discharged (its similar to Suboxone, it blocks opiates so if you use heroin you don't get high).

Well, I couldn't let him go from the hospital to the streets so said he could live here for one month (longer if he got a job).  He was suppose to take it easy for the first week.  He came here on a Saturday night.  The following Tuesday I took him to court to clear up a warrant.  We spent the entire day together, had lunch, had a good time.  He'd stayed with us a few days at a time in the past and fit right in with our little household.

After court that Tuesday he asked me to drop him off at his storage unit, said his dad was going to meet him there to get some stuff out because his brother was no longer going to pay for it.  That sounded reasonable to me so I dropped him off and told him what I was making for dinner and said to call me if he needed a ride "home" later.

Haven't seen him since. Its been over two weeks.  His mom and I are in contact via text and she's heard from him a few times.  The Vivitrol shot is keeping him from heroin but his other drug of choice is meth and that's how he got sick in the first place.

Drugs have such a powerful hold.  It makes me lose hope for Keven, but I can't, I just can't.

My next post will be about MY drug charges...the fun never ends when you have an addict in your life!

Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara


  1. Having a drug addict in your life is horrible ... I've never mentioned it to you before, buy my daughter was on ice, among other things, for a number of years, got herself in trouble with the police (theft and the like), but managed to stay out of jail. She did two stints in rehab (Odyssey House, here in Melbourne), and has been clean for a year and a half now. She is picking up the pieces of her life, and has restored her relationship with us. I always live on tenterhooks, though, whenever she goes out ... I guess one never stops worrying whether there will be a relapse ... so far, so good. The thing I learnt from this experience is that to never give up hope (although I know things have been going on for a lot longer with Keven, and different drugs, too, so a totally different circumstance, I guess). But my thing was to never give up, stay positive that things will get better, and look after yourself above all else. You are important ... you need to look after you. If Peter makes you happy ... go for it, girl. Love and hugs from me to you xx

    1. Connie, thank you so much for sharing this about your daughter. I'm so sorry you had to go through (and still go through) this torment. Its hard to relax when there is always a concern that they may start using again. Your daughter is so fortunate to have a supportive and positive mum. I'm so glad you are in my life - on opposite sides of the world, but I value our long time blog friendship :)

  2. Glad you have Peter! There is hope for everyone as long as they want the help...when my mother cut ties with me is when I realized I wanted to get better ....or HAD to whatever the case my be. Keven is in my prayers but I hope you focus on you!!!

    1. Thanks, Ann! I wish I could say I'd been focusing on me, but some serious stuff happened and I am just catching my breath again. I've heard many people say it took for their parents to cut ties for them to get better. Because of his other issues, I don't want to do that with Keven. He has thanked me many times for not turning him out to the street because he knows for sure he'd be dead by now. Someday I may have not choice, but for today I am letting him stay her.

  3. Good on you for focusing some of your energy (as always never enough) on your happiness. You truly deserve it. My hope is you have a wonderful thanksgiving, just one peaceful day that will allow you to reflect and be joyous.
    By the way... please keep writing! It comforts me so as I attempt to try to navigate and understand the disease that is addiction. It’s currently got its claws into my husband and my sister.

    1. Samantha, thank you. I do intend to keep writing more, I need it for myself. I care about you and everyone who reads here. If there is ever a time you want to "talk' email me! Life with an addict is hard, but doesn't have to be lived through alone!

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