Sunday, August 21, 2016

Its a Fine Line

So, I've been told again and again that I need to back off from Keven and let him fail if that's what happens next.  Of course this goes against every grain in my body.

The best decision I made regarding Anthony was to just accept him for what he was:  an addict that did heroin, meth and lots of DMT toward the end of his life.  (I put a definition of it at the bottom of this page for those who don't know what it is.

He told me the DMT was life changing for him and it did seem to make him better able to cope.  He begged me to take it with him (he knows I have a history of LSD use, which BTW, I loved until my first bad "trip").  I refused of course but was curious.

The last four months with Anthony were the best, and his grandparents deeply regret getting a restraining order against him.  There is a site I've belonged to for years (its local to where I live) called SOLACE, I've mentioned it before.  Most of the parents/loved ones who belong have lost someone to drugs, some still struggle with it.  Some of  the ones that have lost their child wish they could go back and do things differently, even if it wouldn't have saved their child at least they would have had more time with them instead of turning them away.  I love my boys so much and am so glad I know Anthony is at peace.  The one year anniversary is in a few weeks.

A more innocent time - they were getting high but still had that sweetness.
 "God Called In Sick Today" tattoo
In prison with they guy that gave him the hideous hand tattoos.

When Keven gets out I am going to try to find that fine line to balance on between enabling and supporting.  My definition of that looks like this:  Only doing things for him that he can't do for himself, which includes teaching him how to do things that he's never done before and needs help with (not doing it for him).  Supporting means loving, caring, encouraging - which comes naturally to me.

He gets out in 72 days.

DMT occurs naturally in the human body, and taking it could simulate death.
The drug DMT (diemethyltryptamine), which causes hallucinogenic experiences, is made up of a chemical compound that already occurs within the human body endogenously (as well as in a number of plants). This means our brains are naturally set up to process the drug because it has receptors that exist specifically to do so. Cannabis is another illegal drug that occursendogenously.
Some research based on near-death experiences points to the fact that the brain releases DMT during death. Some researchers have also conjectured that DMT is released during other intense experiences, including orgasm.

Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara

1 comment:

  1. There are things that my 17 year old is doing which I hate, and she knows it, but it will never stop me loving and supporting her. The love you have for your kids is unconditional.


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