Friday, July 29, 2016
This is going to be my new tattoo (when I can afford it). Not this exact image, but the circle with IMAGINE in the middle surrounded by flowers in the shape of a peace sign. I've wanted it for years so why not just do it. Trying to save money to get if for my birthday on 9/25.
Anyhow, I haven't written in a long time and I miss it. I miss the people that used to read here and I love the people that still do. FB seems to have become the new way to stay in touch, but its not the same. I can't spill my guts on FB!
My job at the drug treatment center is okay. Some personality issues there (something intense, not just minor) are the only negative to the job and the huge positive to the job is that when Keven gets out in 3 months, he will be able to go there for FREE for 30 days (hopefully 60). I hope and pray that THIS IS IT for him. If not, I will have to distance myself and prepare for his demise...I don't think he'll be around long if he goes back to using. Just a gut feeling I have. Although, I never had that feeling about Anthony so I could be dead wrong.
Prison has been the worst experience in Keven's life (and one of the worst in mine watching what its done to him). If I could change one thing about our country it would be total prison reform. Right now its a frigging joke. The guards (some not all of course) are just as bad as the other inmates, bringing in drugs and phones and whatever. I've had quite a lesson in what really goes on in there.
I took today off work, something I haven't done in the 6 months I've been there. I just needed a break and to get some stuff done I can't do on weekends.
Anthony's one year anniversary is just over a month away (Sept. 7) so that's weighing heavy on my heart. I miss him more not less as time goes by. Keven seems to be jealous of my love for Anthony which is ironic since now he's not even here. Keven was the one that begged me to give him a chance all those years ago, then he loved that we were so close, then he got jealous, then they stopped seeing each other (because they were each other's downfall) and Keven was once again glad I was there for Ant. So I'm not sure what the new jealousy is about but he's constantly telling me what a bad person Anthony really was. I know the bad stuff, and I could say the same damn thing about Keven!
This is something I hesitate to share because I know its very controversial - but I am going to do it. I discussed it with Anthony's grandmother and she wants me to do it too. I am going to a psychic medium on 8/12 to ask her to get in touch with Anthony and find out how he really died. Was it accidental, suicide or murder? Some of his friends think it was murder. Of course knowing won't bring him back, but its eating away at his grandmother.
I know it sounds crazy but another mom who lost her daughter went to this woman and she told her things ONLY her daughter would know (like her dogs name which was very unusual, etc.)
I'm anxious to do it and see what happens. I want to know if he's with his mom and his Best Friend, Josh. I want to see if he can tell us how he died. I want to know if he's at peace. The woman I am going to see seems to be very legit:
One last thing. One of Anthony's best friends, Gabi, and I have become close so I threw her a baby shower in June for her and her wife, Presley. At one point they had asked Ant to be the sperm donor but he couldn't because of Hep C. Her due date is Anthony's death date: Sept. 7. But by the looks of things, Kingsley is ready to pop out sooner than that!!!
I hope all of you are doing well and would love to hear from you!
Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara