Monday, May 16, 2016

Its Been Awhile

Wow, as soon as I typed the above I started hearing this song by Staind in my head:

And it's been awhile
Since I could hold my head up high
And it's been awhile
Since I first saw you
And it's been awhile
Since I could stand on my own two feet again
And it's been awhile
Since I could call you

I like that song...but its kind of sad.

So apparently its been over 3 months since I wrote here.  I figure not many people read here but sometimes I just get an urge to write.

I have a love/hate relationship with my new job at the Treatment Center.  I like the work, but I don't like working with some of my snotty co-workers.  I don't like reading the sad stories of all our clients but I definitely see a pattern.  I'd say 95% of them have had some sort of trauma or abuse or abandonment issue and 100% of them have depression and anxiety.   Its made me see how very hopeless recovery is for so many people.  They are in and out for years.  Alcoholics seem to fair better than opiate addicts, not sure why.

Keven is in prison.  He's not doing well in there.  He got beat up twice (once by cops) and he's been using in there.  He has drug debts so he may have to do something drastic to avoid getting really hurt. I try so hard not to worry about him but its hard.  I'm dreading him getting out, yet I don't want him in there.  We'll see what happens.  He gets out at the end of Oct.

Not much else is new.  Just a very simple life.  I have no expectations, just want simple and peaceful, that's enough for me.

I still miss Anthony and talk to him all the time.  I pretend he can hear me (maybe he can) and he gives me encouragement and reminds me of all the things we talked about and the "zen of happiness" and how gratitude is so important and stuff like that.

I love my pets, they bring me joy.  I never thought my life would be like this.

Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara


  1. Hello my friend. Trauma is a nasty thing - I'm trying to support the alternative high where I intern in learning more about trauma and how to address it in our kids. It so increases the odds of addictions and many other struggles.

    I think about you and Keven all the time. Kiddos are the hardest thing ever. Best thing, but hardest thing.

    I'm glad to hear you are finding joy in your pets. I can understand that.

    Love ya.

  2. I so resonate with this Barbara:

    "I never thought my life would be like this."

    Praying for the both of us to envision a more optimistic future in the midst of what seems to be hopeless. And perhaps the future will match that which we envision?

  3. Hiya Barb,
    It's good to hear from you ! Sorry to hear about your boy being locked up. I often read of parents being at peace when their addicted kids are incarcerated, I guess that isn't always the case, though I have met people who've turned their lives aroind after doing time.
    I didn't think my life would end up like this either, a forty seven year old Grandfather,living on his own by the Sea, making a living as a decorator. I think life has a few surprises in store for us yet. X

  4. If we knew how our lives were going to end up, we'd never get out of bed.

    I'm glad you are finding joy in the small things. I haven't forgotten about you and Keven.

  5. I check here all the time for updates Barb - you and Keven are always on my mind. Sorry I haven't emailed lately but, I do believe you owe me one! Always good to hear from you - take care.

  6. I think of you often, and pray for you and Keven.


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