This loss has been devastating to me. Part of me died with him. Would it be more painful to lose Keven? Of course it would. But in a different way. Anthony and I chose each other. We had a deep connection. I was so proud of him despite all the bullshit he put me through. I saw who he was. I loved him unconditionally. To me, that's more important than whether or not I gave birth to him. He loved his mother so much, but she was incapable of becoming clean and sober, she died, she left him. The void in him wasn't completely filled by me, but he told me I was his mom on earth, his "street mom". He called me Mom for years.
Thank God that his family understands that and treats me as if I were his mom on earth. And thank God for his friends who have flocked to me like hurt little kids who need comfort because I get my comfort from them too. And thank God for my family because they also get it.
Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara