Saturday, January 9, 2016

He and I Knew I was His "Mom on Earth"

I'm excited because we are finally having the "big" memorial celebration for Anthony.   This on is for ALL his friends and we expect 50 or more people. There could be a lot more.  We'll see.  We have some meaningful things planned.

This loss has been devastating to me.  Part of me died with him.  Would it be more painful to lose Keven?  Of course it would.  But in a different way. Anthony and I chose each other.  We had a deep connection.  I was so proud of him despite all the bullshit he put me through.  I saw who he was.  I loved him unconditionally.  To me, that's more important than whether or not I gave birth to him.  He loved his mother so much, but she was incapable of becoming clean and sober, she died, she left him.  The void in him wasn't completely filled by me, but he told me I was his mom on earth, his "street mom".  He called me Mom for years.

Thank God that his family understands that and treats me as if I were his mom on earth.  And thank God for his friends who have flocked to me like hurt little kids who need comfort because I get my comfort from them too.  And thank God for my family because they also get it.

P.S. The redhead here, Gabi, is one of his best friends ever.  Gabi and her wife Presley (the one in the cap) just found out they are 5 weeks pregnant and the due date is Sept. 7 (the day we lost Anthony).  He had wanted to be their sperm donor so badly, but he couldn't due to Hep C.  I think he will be thrilled if this baby is born on his day of passing.  We're all hoping for a boy.  Gabi and I have known each other for years, but now we are bonded for life.

Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara