Monday, November 9, 2015

Doing Better

Just wanted to update my few but faithful readers. I seem to have turned a little corner in the grieving process.

For the first month or so, especially the first few days/week, I felt like I was walking around in this dark cloud and that anyone that came in contact me would see the dark cloud and therefore they would understand why the entire world was dark to me and they wouldn't ask me questions like "How are you today?" or say things like "have a nice day".  I couldn't say Fine and You Too.  I just couldn't.  I wanted to scream:  I AM NOT FINE AND THIS IS NOT GOING TO BE A GOOD DAY.

Life was going on around me as if nothing happened and it made me want people to understand who the world had lost.  Not just some shot out drug addict - no, someone special to his core.

Yes, I remember the bad stuff too.  But there's no need to now.  Only the good stuff matters.

I still miss Anthony constantly, but its not as overwhelming.

As for Keven - ugh.  I'll save that for another day.  He's doing fine but his case is not looking so great.

New stuff to mark Ant's grave.  I keep his skateboard in my car where he left it and sit on it when I visit him.


  1. It's good to hear from you. Just take it one day at a time and know that everything gets better when you allow it.

  2. Take it easy, Barb ... Grieving can be a long process, and a very individual one ... you sound like you are doing better. Sending hugs xxx

  3. Hugs, my friend. It will come and go in waves, but the waves will get smaller with time.

  4. Ditto Erin. Hugs.

    Grieving is so personal yet so universal. Great loss creates great grief. I have found the Kubler-Ross phases to be representative of my grief journeys. Even so, the phases are not neat and tidy. Grief is messy and so very chaotic.

    Blessings to you today dear friend.

  5. Glad to know that you are still here writing. I don't think the loss of someone loved is ever fully resolved. The rawness does get better, but the hole is still there for me.
    Thinking of you.

  6. I'm still having a tough time getting over the death of my Dad earlier this year, and as we get closer to Christmas I miss him even more. I have good and bad days,and the night time is always the worse.

    I totally agree with Erin.

    1. Joey, when did your father pass? My mom died on 12/28 last year and its getting close to that time, its very hard. I Know you love the holidays so I hope you can enjoy them as best as you can.

  7. So glad you're beginning to move through the grief. It's important to feel what you feel for as long as you need to feel it.

    And know that we're out here to love you through it.


  8. Barb, I've been absent from here for awhile. I'm so sorry to hear the news about Ant. I lost my dad last year in October. It's a day to day thing. Some days are better than others. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.


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