I think most of you know me from my old blog, My Life, His Addiction. Every once in a while I get an email from someone asking why its not longer active, I got another one of those today. I decided to put this blog back up because the whole point of it was to have a place to share my journey with others. There may be something.
Now for the confession: the reason I stopped writing in the first place was because I entered therapy (with the most awesome therapist ever, Eric) and he suggested several times that I "step back" from blogging about addiction because I was making it the main focus of my life. It was the main focus of my life! Keven was a mess, I was a wreck, it was hell. Blogging helped me more than anything else because of all of you! I told Eric NO WAY could I "abandon" my blog friends. It took a while but he finally convinced me that I needed to break away and I finally agreed. By doing so it helped me transition into a place where I could focus on me and not put everyone else first.
Since then my sessions with Eric have gradually decreased from weekly to every other month. I have by no means "arrived" at some magical place where I have my shit together and am doing great. But I have grown to a place were I have healthier boundaries and a better understanding of myself.
SO....there ya have it. I may continue to write over there once in a while. I'm not sure. But I felt that I should let ya' all know the latest.
Peace, Hope and Love,
PS Last night I had a horrific dream that I found Keven in a car with a girl shooting up. He had my dog with him and my main concern was getting my dog to safety. I also looked down at my feet during the dream and half of one of my big toes was missing. Then our "pet rattle snake" started biting people and someone with a gun was threatening to kill my dog. UGHHHHH! I hate those kind of dreams! Fortunately it was just a dream, both Keven and Sugar are fine this morning :)
Saturday, July 20, 2013
I've been concerned about Keven lately. Nothing has changed, but there is a gut feeling there that he's up to something. I don't see any signs, other than he's been withdrawn lately, but the feeling lingers. I'm doing my best to live MY life and not worry too much.
Also, Anthony is back in jail. Absolutely no surprise, but its the only time I really talk to him because its the only time he's clean. What's upsetting is how very badly he wants to stop using, stop his life of crime, etc. He gets so pumped up when he's in jail - "this time will be different, I just know it" but nothing has ever changed. He asked me to delete his Facebook account before he gets out in October so I will. It certainly can't hurt, but it won't help if he wants to use he will. I feel bad for him. I love him. He'll be 26 in Dec. and is still so young, has so much potential. Who knows, maybe this time is "it"?
Tonight I am going to see Matchbox 20 and The Goo Goo Dolls. I have to see at least one summer concert a year and this is it for 2013. At the moment, I don't feel like going, kind of in a gray mood to match the weather we have here today. But I'll get in the mood as the time approaches. I love me some Goo Goos!
Happy = Helga reconnecting with her long lost daughter and grandchildren and getting to be part of their lives!
Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara
Monday, July 15, 2013
You know those people in your life that you love and/or have to be around that are negative? I've been struggling for years to not let other people's constant negativity and gloom get to me. Its not easy when its the first thing you're confronted with each day (not talking about my son here). But I persevere. I remind myself that I am in control of my thoughts, actions and reactions and I try to let a lot of things around me "go in one ear and out the other". It can be exhausting at times, and always takes some mental energy. But I must not let it get to me!!!!
Life is too short and keeps getting shorter. I want to enjoy the rest of mine after so many years of putting life on hold because of one thing or another.
In other news, nothing is new. HOW IS YOUR SUMMER GOING!?! Is anyone else thinking "It was just Christmas, how can it be July?" This year has gone faster than any year I can think of. Is that an age thing? I know the 18 months I was unemployed were the s-l-o-w-e-s-t months of my life. I am so glad I finally have a job I like.
Update on washing my face with oil: I love it! You mix 1 part castor oil with two parts of another type of oil that is suitable to your skin type (I use olive oil) and massage it into your face. Then you steam your face with a hot washcloth two times, then you gently rub off the rest of the oil with a warm washcloth. All my makeup dissolves and my skin is soft and my pores are smaller and I love it. WHO KNEW that my oily skn was dying for more oil all these years????
Two more cheap and healthy "beauty" tips: If you have a zit, put a few drops of Lavender oil on it and it will go away in a day or two. If you use any type of argon oil on your hair (I use Moroccan Oil that is very expensive) quit buying that and buy pure argan oil for about 1/2 the price and just use less since its pure. Saves a ton of money and makes your hair look lustrous and healthy.
Thinking of you and wishing you the best, thanks for reading this!
Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara