Tuesday, March 12, 2013


The last five years with Anthony have been up and down = mostly down.  The latest is he got out of jail and went to rehab then left....he's homeless and using both heroin and meth.  His grandmother asked me to talk to him a few weeks ago (he was sleeping in front of their house) so I did.  He didn't look too bad.  Keven and I have both told him we have to stay our distance until he makes positive changes.

Well, Keven is a lot like me, its hard for him to turn his back on a friend in need.  I overheard him giving Anthony a talk on the phone - it was great advice, I was proud.

Yesterday Anthony begged Keven to buy him some food.  Kev drove to Del Taco and got him food then left.  He later told me he looked horrible.  Anthony is a good looking kid who takes pride in his looks even when he's using.  But he's beyond using, he's living for the drugs and they are killing him.  His skin was yellow and covered in sores.  He KNOWS he can't be using drugs because of the last time he was hospitalized with major liver issues.

Anyhow...just pray for the guy if your inclined to do so.


Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara

Sunday, March 3, 2013

I Need to Buy Some Boots with Straps I can pick myself up by the bootstraps and get back on track.  The last few weeks I've been in a lot of physical pain and I've allowed the rest of myself to get sucked into depression and eating wrong which totally worsens the pain.  I hate viscous cycles of self destruction, but if I'm not constantly on guard I get sucked in.

I guess maybe if I throw a pity party I will get it out of my system, get some sympathetic comments and then can kick myself into gear again.  So consider yourself coordially invited to the following PP:

My back hurts.  I don't feel good.  I gained two lbs.  I never have enough money.  My back hurts.  I am getting old.  I have stupid taste in men.  I self sabotage myself all the time. My back hurts.   I am fat and therefore undesirable and therefore will be alone forever.  I don't have many friends that live near me.  My back hurts.  (hmmm I'm running out of things to bitch about.)  Okay this party is over.  Get out of here.

Time for the good old attitude of gratitude (and I mean that sincerely).

I am grateful that:

- I live in a country that is relatively safe, has plenty of clean water, does not have an AIDS epidemic or people dying of starvation or getting bombed by their enemies on a weekly basis (etc. etc.)

- I have a job that pays good with coworkers I like that is not too far from home

- I have a generous sister who helps me out whenever I need it

- Live in a multi-generational home where we all pitch in as a team to help each other

- I am healthy and have no serious health problems (same for my son)

- My son is clean for the moment and is looking for a job

- I have enough money to go to yoga, and get other therapy that I need for my body and mind

- I have friends who love me 

- I have Mondays off work

- I have a car that runs even though its old

-  I have a place to write whatever I want

Ok.  I could sit here all day but I think I'm getting back on track.  Thanks for listening.  If you need to have a pity party let me know, I want to attend as long as it only lasts for a few minutes :)

Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara