Monday, December 31, 2012

It is a HAPPY New Year

Last New Year's Eve I had to call the police on my son.  I watched as they chased him into my back yard, and one cop pulled a gun on him while the other threw him face down into the grass and cuffed him.  They didn't arrest him, they took him to the hospital.  He was psychotic due to using Bath Salts.

Watching that scene unfold in front of my eyes made me ill.  I feel sick again just remembering it.

And that was just the beginning of 2012.

But in August, after being hospitalized for liver/kidney failure and a blood infection, he stopped using.  Its been four months, but it feels much longer.  It feels so GOOD.

He's still nervous, anxious, and still feels sick a lot.  But he's clean.  He's here with me.  He's making good choices.

And as for me....I started seeing the most wonderful therapist in the world last Feb.  He's walked a path with me that has led me to a much healthier place emotionally and physically (he even got me into yoga!).  He won't take any credit for my growth, but I couldn't have done it without him.

I had two "relationships" with men this year.  Neither one was good for me.  One of them, the one I thought was a total jerk, has turned out to be okay and we decided to start over and be friends only and see what happens.  He's the one I wrote about earlier this year, he was my chiropractor.  The other one, the one I've known for 37 years and loved with all my heart at one time - he's the one that turned out to be a mean, negative, arrogant person that I want nothing to do with.  Even though I will miss the cat we picked out together.

I'm alone, as usual, on NYEve, but I'm cool with it.  Sugar is snoring on my bed.  I'm watching some TV, and feeling calm about where Keven is and what he's doing tonight.  Its a good night.  I am happy.

Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara

Saturday, December 8, 2012

I Miss Everyone

I told someone the other day that I just can't get myself to write or read blogs.  Its the weirdest thing.  I don't know why because I still love and/or care about my blog friends and what's going on in their lives.  Yesterday was Keven's birthday so I shared that on FB and got some really sweet comments, it really touched me.  I honestly think many of you care more about him than his own father (no card or call from him).

I think part of me feels like if I write about how well he's doing, then it will be even harder IF he falls.  He still has a lot of issues and will always be vulnerable.

Anthony is totally strung out again and keeps calling.  Keven told him not to call, but he broke down and took his call yesterday because Ant begged to talk to him.  It scares me a bit.

I need to go now, but will be back later to read some blogs and catch up.  My new thing:  Yoga.  I love it.  I"m doing the therapeutic type because of all my physical issues, and I think its helping.

Peace, Hope and Love, Barbara