In the last month I started a new job, moved my son from jail into a studio apartment, have not blogged much, have developed feelings for an ex-boyfriend, and have continued to grow in the area of setting boundaries, letting go, etc.
I love my job, all is well there. Great co-workers, good work environment, etc.
The ex-bf has feelings for me too, but our situation is kind of challenging at the moment and I am not ready to talk about it (no, he's not married - neither of us has ever married! Weird, huh?)
The growing and all that is good, but I am still not taking care of myself physically and have to make that my priority. Lifestyle changes.
Keven. Keven has changed too, for the better. We set him up in a gross, scary little dive studio apt. an hour away from home in a town where people have bars on their windows. He loves it, because its his. Now its up to him. If he doesn't get a job in two months, he loses it all and is pretty much on the streets because we can't support him. I am less worried about him using than ever, but I am still worried that:
- he won't find a job
- he will do something stupid and get arrested
- he will use (last on my list, but will always be there, usually its first on the list)
So I have to just let go and hope and pray. Selfishly, I want him to succeed not just for himself but because it would be so much easier for my mom, sis and me than dealing with the opposite - if he screws up.
Its not going to be easy for a convicted felon with no work history to get a job, he has one lead (thanks to someone who reads here).
Life is weird. Things that once mattered to me, don't matter at all anymore. I have simplified my life and am doing my best to live in the moment, but there are still a lot of gloomy clouds hanging over my head, its a constant struggle to not feel depressed or stressed.
I suppose I should be writing a patriotic post today, but I don't feel like and I'm okay with that.
Peace, Hope and Love,